


What Might Have Been

by PatL



Series: The Micki and Tracy [5]
Category: Starsky and Hutch - Fandom, The Sentinel
Genre: A Crossover Story with "The Sentinel", Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-10-14
Updated: 2003-10-14
Packaged: 2017-10-10 04:22:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatL/pseuds/PatL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Micki Hutchinson has everything she ever wanted: a job she loves, her best friend is her partner, and a husband she loves dearly. So why is she so unhappy?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Might Have Been

Micki Ellis Hutchinson sat back in her seat and sighed as Flight 715 coasted along the run way, preparing for take-off. Cascade, Washington was only a few hours away, but it was like flying to another world. As the plane leveled off and started its journey, she felt the tension in her shoulders.  
It would be good to get away for a while. The last two years were like a roller-coaster ride, filled with euphoric happiness and mind-numbing pain. She needed the time away to assess her life and decide what she really wanted. She thought back to earlier that morning, as she packed for her trip while Ken packed for his.   
Her husband closed his suitcase and walked over to help Micki with hers. "When do you think you'll be home?"  
"I should be back before the weekend. I'll be observing the Major Crimes Unit in Cascade and going to two separate seminars at Rainier University. How long do you think you and Davy will be gone?"  
"I don't know for sure. I hope we're not gone as long as the last time. With any luck, we'll be back by the first of the week."  
She put her bags in the living room and turned to Ken. "Are you sure you don't want me to take you to the airport? I'll have plenty of time."  
He shook his head. "No, that's OK. You'd have to hang around for two hours for your own flight. We'll borrow a car so we can leave it at the airport. That way we won't have to take a cab when we get back. Tracy's taking you, right?"  
"Yeah, she doesn't have to be at Cabrillo State until this afternoon, so it won't be a hassle."  
She kissed him deeply and hugged him tight. "I'll miss you, Ken. It seems like we're always saying good-bye lately."  
He ran his fingers through her long hair. "I know, but it won't always be this way. We're just really busy right now. The Task Force is the newest fad in police procedures, so everyone wants our input. In a few months, we'll sink right back into anonymity and no one will remember our names." He kissed her again then smiled. "I'll see you when you get back. Behave yourself, OK? I don't want to have to make a detour to Washington to get you out of trouble."  
She grinned wickedly. "If I thought it would buy us some time together, I'd get in trouble on purpose. Seriously, though, I'll be good. I'll tell you all about it when I get back."  
She fought the tears that were trying to fall. "I love you, Ken Hutchinson. Never forget that."  
He held her close and buried his face in her hair. "I love you, too, Micki Hutchinson, and don't you ever forget that."  
She rolled her head against the back of the seat. What's the name of that old movie? Oh, yeah, "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off". Oh, God, what's wrong with me? I have a husband that loves me, the career I have always dreamed of, and my best friend in the whole world is my partner. I've got to be one of the luckiest women alive. But, if I'm so happy, why do I feel like crying? Well, that's one of the reasons for this trip. I don't know what I want any more, and if I don't figure it out soon, I could lose everything I have.  
Micki forced the thoughts out of her mind as the pilot instructed them on making preparations for landing. She felt a thrill of excitement as she watched the beautiful Washington scenery come into view. Cascade was a new place to explore and she looked forward to making new friends. Maybe this would give her the perspective she needed to put her life in order.  
She walked into the main building, looking for the detective that was supposed to be waiting for her. When she saw her name on a card, she started toward the man holding it, looking him over carefully. He was tall, even taller than Ken. Her eyes registered appreciation at his handsome face and neat appearance.   
Her smile was friendly as she walked over to him. "Hi, I'm Micki Hutchinson."  
The man put the card away and smiled in return. "I'm Detective Jim Ellison. Welcome to Cascade. How was your flight?"  
"It was very peaceful, thank goodness. In fact, I wish it could have been longer. The view from up there was spectacular."  
He grinned. "Cascade is a beautiful place, but of course, I'm biased. So, I take it you're not one of those people that hate flying?"  
She laughed gaily. "I used to be, but after the last few months, I'm getting used to it. I usually stay much closer to home, so seeing a new place is exiting."  
"Well, why don't we get your luggage and I'll show you around a little? I'll drop you off at your hotel so you can freshen up then I'll take you to the station and introduce you to everyone."  
"That sounds great."  
They walked over to the claims department and picked up her luggage then Jim escorted her outside. He stopped at a blue and white pick-up truck and put her bags behind the seat. Micki smiled to herself. It's not as flashy as the Torino, but it's better than the Squash. At least it looks like it'll run.   
Cascade was even more picturesque up close than it was far away. Micki and Jim became acquainted as Jim told her about the Major Crimes Unit and Micki told him about the Task Force and her own specialty in criminal psychology. As she talked, she looked out the window at the scenery.  
"You really do have a beautiful place here. I'm not used to seeing so much greenery all at once. I'm glad I brought a jacket along, though. It's really quite chilly, isn't it?"  
Jim laughed. "You're used to the California sun. Our spring and summer is much milder than yours. We'll have a few weeks of hot weather but it will be cool again by September, and then the temperature will really start to drop. We'll have snow by Thanksgiving."  
Micki grinned back. "I'm glad I'll be back home by then. I'd rather see the snow on TV. I guess I really am a California girl."  
Jim carried her suitcases into the hotel and waited for her to check in. He sat them down in her room and walked to the door.  
"I've got a couple of things to do, so why don't I pick you up in an hour or so then I'll take you to the station?"  
She smiled gratefully. "That's fine. It won't take me long to unpack. I'll be ready when you get back."  
He smiled a farewell then closed the door softly behind him. Micki quickly put her things away then reached for the phone. She dialed the number she had written on a pad in her purse.  
"Good afternoon, Ramada Inn, this is Mandy speaking. How may I direct your call?"  
"I'd like to speak to Sergeant Ken Hutchinson in room 1107, please."  
"One moment, please, I'm transferring you now."  
Micki listened to the phone ringing then sighed as the operator came back on the line.  
"I'm sorry. Sergeant Hutchinson is not in his room right now. May I take a message?"  
"Yes, this is his wife. Could you just tell him that I made it safely and I'll call him back later?"  
"I'll see that he gets the message, Mrs. Hutchinson. Have a good day."  
Micki hung up the phone and bit her lip. Of course he's not in his room. Oh well, I'll try him later.  
She shook off the wave of sadness and finished getting ready then went to wait for Ellison in the lobby. Suddenly, her room felt empty and she didn't want to be by herself.  
She smiled when she saw him walking in the front door. "I'm all ready, Detective Ellison. Shall we go?"  
As they walked to his car, Jim looked down at her. "Since we're going to be spending a lot of time together, why don't you call me Jim? And while we're at it, what do I call you, Detective or Mrs. Hutchinson?"  
Micki grinned. "Why don't you just call me Micki? I've never been much for titles."  
"Micki it is, then. The station isn't far from here, so sit back and enjoy the ride."  
Ten minutes later they were at the Cascade Police department. Jim introduced her to Captain Simon Banks, the head of the special unit. Banks reminded her of Dobey and she warmed up to him immediately. Before long, she was immersed in the history and mission of the department. Jim was telling her about some of his most recent cases when a young man walked into Banks' office. Micki's heart skipped a beat as he smiled at Jim.  
The first thought she had as she watched the young man was he's beautiful. OK, I know men are supposed to be handsome, but that doesn't begin to describe this guy. Maybe it was his long, curly, brown hair, or the youthful face it surrounded, or maybe it was his large, expressive blue eyes. A woman could fall into those eyes and never come out, and when he smiles, his whole face lights up. She could sense an enthusiasm for life that rivaled David Starsky's. Whoever he is, this beautiful human being lives life to the fullest. Micki stood up straighter as Jim introduced the young man.  
"Micki, this is Blair Sandburg. He's a graduate student at Rainier University and he's also an observer in the Major Crimes Unit. He's my unofficial partner, my roommate, and a very good friend. Blair, this is Detective Micki Hutchinson, from the Bay City P. D."  
Blair smiled that wonderful smile again. "Welcome to Cascade, Detective. I hope you enjoy your stay with us."  
Micki smiled back shyly. "I'm sure I will, Mr. Sandburg, and please, call me Micki."  
"OK but only if you'll call me Blair. Mr. Sandburg makes me sound awfully stuffy."  
She laughed. "It's a deal."  
Jim spoke to Micki. "Blair is teaching a class at the same time as your seminar tomorrow, so he can show you where it is. That is, if it's all right with you, Blair."  
The younger man nodded energetically without taking his eyes off Micki. "Sure, we can even go a little early so I can show you around campus, too."   
She nodded. "OK, if it won't be putting you out."  
Jim smiled. "Then it's settled. Blair has his own car, so he can pick you up in the morning. In the meantime, it's about time for dinner. Why don't you join us at the loft? We can pick something up on the way."  
She looked pensive. "Oh, I don't want to put you out. I can get something from room service at the hotel."  
Blair chimed in before Jim could answer. "Are you kidding? You're our guest. There's no reason why you should eat alone in your hotel room. It's no problem at all, is it, Jim?"  
The older man smiled. "Of course not. I've got a few things to clear up here, so why don't you take Micki in your car and pick something up on the way home? I'll meet you in a little while."  
Micki smiled to herself. Jim reminded her of Ken. Both were the strong silent type. Blair, on the other hand, reminded her more and more of Starsky. The boundless enthusiasm and the boyish charm were evident in both men. Micki felt a twinge of guilt as she thought of her husband. OK, so I think Blair's gorgeous. I might be married, but it's not against the law to look.   
Blair grinned. "OK, but I'm not stopping at any fast food restaurant. I'm hungry and I want something with a little more substance. We'll see you later."  
He touched his friend on his arm briefly then escorted Micki out of the station. She laughed in delight when she saw the dark green sedan.   
"It's a Volvo! I haven't seen one of these in years. Now, this is a classic!"  
Blair opened the passenger door for her. "I'll tell Jim you said that. He's always ragging me about my cars."  
As he drove to the loft, he kept up a constant stream of chatter about Cascade, Jim, and the university. When he mentioned Rainier, Micki turned to look at him.  
"What's your major?"  
"Anthropology. I'm studying the ancient tribal races, like the Chopec in Peru."  
"It sounds fascinating. You'll have to meet Starsky some day. He's fascinated with the old tribes. He's constantly coming up with obscure information about ancient civilizations."  
Blair glanced at her. "Is that your husband?"  
Micki shook her head. "No, he's my partner's husband, and my husband's partner."  
She laughed at his confused expression. "It's kind of complicated. Ken is my husband, and my partner's name is Tracy. Starsky is Ken's partner, and he married Tracy. You should see how confusing it is when somebody asks for us. That's why Tracy and I just use our first names. It cuts down on the confusion."  
"I can imagine. How long have you been married?"  
"Our second anniversary is coming up soon. Though, lately we've been more like two ships passing in the night than a married couple."  
He looked at her profile. "That doesn't sound like fun."  
She shrugged. "It's not that bad. We've just been so busy that one of us is always gone. I guess it's one of the hazards of our careers. Ken says it will slow down eventually. I hope so." She smiled and changed the subject. "So, what should we get to eat?"  
"Do you like Chinese? Jim's a junk food junkie, but Chinese is something we agree on. There's a good restaurant close to the loft, so we can stop there."  
"I love it!" Well, there's one difference I can chalk up between Blair and Starsky. Jim's the junk food junkie here and Blair hates it. Proof once again that opposite's attract.  
They stopped at the restaurant and Blair ordered a full meal then drove to the loft. Micki looked around, delighted at their home.   
"It's adorable! I love it. Ken and I have this small apartment in Venice. It's cozy, but there's not much room to expand. It gets a little close sometimes."  
Blair grinned good-naturedly. "I'll tell Jim you said that. He's such a neat freak! You should see all the house rules he has. Even if we're in the middle of a case, he expects the dishes to be done, and he has a fit if I leave my clothes lying around."  
Micki laughed. "You should have seen Ken's apartment before I moved in. He just left his clothes wherever he happened to take them off, and did the same with his beer bottles. And we won't even talk about that heap he calls a car! Starsky and Tracy are the neat ones in our relationship. Anyway, I think it's great. It looks very comfortable."  
Blair went into the kitchen and got a bottle of red wine from the refrigerator and glasses. Jim came in as he finished setting the table. They all enjoyed a wonderful meal as they got to know each other. Later, they sat in the living room and had coffee. It was after eleven o'clock before Micki glanced at her watch and stifled a yawn. Jim caught it immediately.  
"Would you like us to take you back to the hotel? I know it's been a long day for you."  
She nodded gratefully. "I think that's a good idea, if I want to make any sense out of the seminar tomorrow."  
Blair got up and grabbed his keys. "I'll take you back, Micki. Jim got up earlier than I did this morning, so he can stay home if he wants."  
Jim glanced at his friend then nodded reluctantly. "OK, Chief, if you're sure you don't mind. I'll see you tomorrow, Micki. After your seminar, we'll start going over some of the files you requested about the unit."  
"That sounds like a plan to me. Good night, Jim, and thanks for inviting me for dinner. I had a wonderful time."  
"It was our pleasure, Micki. Good night."  
Blair drove her to the hotel and walked her to her room. When she tried to hide another yawn, he looked guilty.  
"You're really tired. I'm sorry. We shouldn't have kept you up so late."  
"Are you kidding? I haven't had this much fun in a long time or laughed so hard. You have nothing to be sorry for."  
He grinned. "Since you put it that way, I had fun, too. I'll pick you up around eight in the morning, if that's not too early."  
"No, that will be fine. Will you have time for breakfast, or should I eat before we go?"  
"We'll have plenty of time for breakfast. There are several good places to eat on campus then I'll give you the grand tour before your seminar."  
She smiled as she opened the door. "I'll be ready. Good night, Blair. Thanks again for tonight."  
He waited until she went inside and locked the door then he went back down to his car. You're a beautiful lady, Micki. I hope your husband realizes how lucky he is, or someone just might take you away from him.

Micki made sure the door was locked securely then took a shower and slipped into her sweat pants and tee shirt. As she passed the phone, she saw the red light blinking. She dialed the front desk and waited for the desk clerk to answer.  
"This is Mrs. Hutchinson in room 305. Do you have a message for me?"  
"Yes, Mrs. Hutchinson. Your husband called and said he was sorry he missed you. He said he would try to call back tomorrow evening."  
She sighed and shook her head. "OK, thanks. He didn't say what time he'd call, did he?"  
"No, I'm sorry, he didn't. He just said tomorrow evening."  
"Well, I'll try to make sure I'm here then. Thanks anyway. Good night."  
She dropped the receiver back in its cradle and slipped under the covers. As she turned out the light, she thought of her husband. Like I said, two ships in the night. Oh, Ken, is it going to be like this forever? I don't know if I can take it.

 

The next morning, Micki was determined to enjoy the day as she met Blair for breakfast and a tour of the university campus. She lost herself in the seminar, making notes of the most interesting lectures. Before she knew it, the last speaker was finished and the audience gradually filed out of the auditorium. Blair was waiting for her as promised and they met Jim at a Cuban restaurant close to the station. Micki had never tasted Cuban cuisine before, and wasn't sure about the new tastes. In spite of that, her mood improved substantially as they left the restaurant and walked back to their vehicles. Jim's pick-up was parked behind the Volvo.   
They were a few feet from the truck when Jim suddenly stopped and looked down the street. From his stance, Micki could tell he was listening closely to something, but she couldn't see anything unusual happening. She watched, curious, as Blair stepped closer to Jim.  
"What is it? Do you hear something?"  
Perplexed, Micki watched as both men stood still for several minutes. She still couldn't see any problems, but both men were increasingly agitated. Then Jim started walking down the side street, slowly at first then faster. Blair hurried to keep up with him while Micki followed on their heels. As they crossed another street, Micki heard the disturbance.  
"Help! Somebody help me! Help, police!"  
The two men ran around the corner with Micki close behind. A middle-aged woman was struggling with two men in an alley. One man was holding her purse, trying to take it away from her, while the other man tried to force her down on the concrete. Jim and Micki drew their weapons at the same time.   
Jim stood slightly to one side and leveled his weapon. "Police, freeze!"  
Both suspects looked over their shoulder, cursing at the interference. One of them pushed the woman against the wall and took off running, while the other took out a gun and aimed it toward Micki, Jim and Blair. Without thinking, Micki pushed Blair out of harm's way.  
"Blair, get down!"  
The perpetrator with the gun fired over their heads and ran down the alley after his partner. With a muffled curse, the two detectives ran after the suspects. Blair immediately went to the victim, making sure she wasn't injured. He told her to stay down then followed his friends. He didn't go far before he heard the sound of gun fire. Micki and Jim were behind vehicles parked on the side street, exchanging fire with the two perpetrators. Blair hunched down beside Jim.  
"Oh, great, now both of those creeps have a gun? That's just what I wanted to hear."  
"Don't worry, Chief. I'm sure one of these law abiding citizens have called the police by now, so we should have back-up pretty soon."  
The younger man looked apologetically at Micki. "This isn't exactly what I had in mind for after dinner entertainment. I'm sorry you had to get mixed up in this."  
Micki grinned wickedly. "Don't sweat it. I'm starting to feel right at home."  
She looked around at the pedestrians huddled together down the street. "Still, I think we need to end this before some innocent bystander gets hurt."  
She crawled up to the front of the vehicle and looked over the hood. She raised her voice so the two perpetrators could hear.  
"OK, enough you two! In about ten minutes, this place is going to be crawling with cops, so why don't you save us all a lot of trouble and throw your weapons down? I know you didn't mean for it to go this far. You don't want to kill any of these innocent people do you?"  
Jim tilted his head and focused his hearing on the two gunmen.   
Damn you, Bobby! Look what you got us into! I thought you said this would be a cinch.  
Hey, how was I supposed to know she'd fight like that? She didn't look like she was that strong. I had to unlock the door for her last week because it took both hands for her to hold a gallon of milk for Christ's sake! Anyway, where the Hell did those cowboys come from?  
It doesn't matter, you idiot! We're trapped. Do you think they're going to let us walk out of here with her purse? Man, if we so much as stick our noses out, they'll shoot them off.  
Jim made rolling motions with his hands. "Keep talking, Micki. It can't hurt. I get the feeling that they're not exactly hard-core criminals."  
"OK. It'll buy us some time until back-up gets here anyway."  
She raised her voice again. "You're running out of time, boys! Right now, all you got against you is a simple purse snatching rap. The guns are going to complicate things a little, but if you get rid of them right now, before anybody gets hurt, it will go a whole lot better for you. If you as much as nick one of these citizens, you'll be looking at hard time."  
What are we going to do, Bobby? I don't know why I let you talk me into this. Look, you do what you want, but I'm out of here. I've never been in trouble before, so maybe I can throw myself on the mercy of the court or something.  
What the Hell do you think this is, a TV show? That isn't Perry Mason out there, you moron! That cop's just jiving you, man. You wanna spend the next ten years of your life in a cell? Well, I don't. So, you do what you gotta, Tommy. I'm going to make a break for it.  
No, Bobby, you'll get yourself killed! Those cops ain't kidding. If you come out shooting, they'll blow you away before they let you hurt somebody.  
I guess that's the chance I'll have to take. Look; you throw your gun down and tell them that you're giving yourself up. They can't shoot an unarmed man. While they're concentrating on you, I'll make a break for it.  
That's not going to work! What's going to stop them from shooting you?  
It'll work if you hurry your ass up! There are only two of them, so one will have to hold the gun on you while the other puts the handcuffs on. I'll sneak off while they concentrate on you. But you've got to do it now, before the other pigs show up!  
Jim shook his head, scowling. "It's taking too long. I think they're planning on making a break for it. So, watch out. They'll have to do it soon, or they'll be outnumbered."  
Micki cursed silently. "Do you think so? Damn it! I thought I had them. Well, we can't take a chance on anyone else getting hurt."  
She raised her voice for the last time. "That's it guys, you're all out of time! Throw your guns out on the street and walk out with your hands in the air."  
A few seconds later, she heard a voice. "OK, I give up! Don't shoot! I'm throwing my gun out now."  
A small handgun sailed from the side of the building and clattered on the street. Gradually, two hands appeared then a head. Jim kept his gun trained on Tommy as Micki walked slowly over to him. Although he was itching to know where Bobby was, he couldn't afford to zone out right then. Instead, his eyes flicked back and forth from Tommy to the side of the building. If Bobby's nerve held out, he would make his move soon.  
Micki bent down to put the handcuffs on Tommy just as Bobby popped into view. She quickly subdued Tommy and pushed him in Blair's direction.  
"Keep an eye on him. If he moves, knock him in the head or something."  
She quickly followed Jim as he ran after the second suspect. Once again, she could hear the sound of gun fire. Jim was flattened against another wall, and she could see Bobby hunkered behind a large dumpster a few yards away.   
She positioned herself close to Jim. "You know, I'm starting to lose patience with this guy. I think it's time for plan B."  
Jim looked at her. "What's plan B?"  
Instead of answering, she looked around on the ground and picked up a large chunk of concrete. She edged around Jim and threw the object as hard as she could. It sailed past Bobby and clanged into several small garbage cans behind him.   
"You're surrounded, creep! Give it up!"  
Bobby replied by stepping away from the dumpster and aiming his weapon. But before he could squeeze the trigger, Micki was out in the open and firing back. Bobby yowled as his gun went flying and clutched his wrist. Before he could recover, Jim and Micki were on him.  
Seconds later, Bobby was handcuffed and they were on their way back to Blair. By that time, the street was covered with blue and white squad cars. Jim handed the two felons over to uniformed officers, with instructions to book them. As they were taken away, Micki turned to the other detective.  
"How in the world did you know? You're hearing must be phenomenal!"  
Instead of giving a direct answer, he grinned. "Aww, shucks, ma'am, tweren't nothin'."  
Then he regarded her with frank admiration. "It was a pleasure working with you, Detective. That was some shooting back there."  
Micki grinned back wickedly. "Aww, shucks, cowboy. Tweren't nothin'"  
Blair threw his hands up and shook his head. "Why do I suddenly feel like I'm in the middle of a western? Cops!"  
By the time the perpetrators were booked, it was after nine o'clock. Micki said good night to Jim and asked Blair to take her back to the hotel. Ken had promised to call and Micki didn't want to miss it.

 

Micki checked her watch again as she thumbed through the magazine she was reading. He said he'd call. It's almost ten o'clock. Oh, God, what if he called already and I missed him again? No, the light wasn't flashing, so there weren't any messages. What am I supposed to do, wait by the phone for him to call? I don't think so! She shook her head violently. He's your husband, for God's sake. If he isn't worth waiting for, who is? Come on, Ken, call me, please. As if on cue, the phone rang and she snatched it up.  
"Hello."  
"Hey, it's me."  
"Hi, I'm sorry I missed you last night."  
"Yeah, we seem to keep missing each other. How's your trip going?"  
"It's been good. How's everything up your way?"  
"It's been crazy, but nothing we can't handle."  
"That's good. How's the weather up there?" Geez, we sound like a couple of strangers.   
She heard a small laugh. "It's hot. Wouldn't you know, this is the warmest spring they've had in years?"  
"Really? It's kind of cool here. I'm glad I brought my jacket."  
"Well, that's normal for Washington. It'll be a while before it gets hot up there."  
"Yeah, that's what they tell me." She picked at the covers on her bed. "Look, Ken, I was thinking. Our anniversary is in a few weeks. Maybe we could go up to the cabin, just the four of us. We could get away from the phones and the newspapers and relax for a few days."  
"I don't know, Mick. These people don't have a clue as to what they're doing. I'm not sure I can get away."  
"Please, Ken, just for a few days. I barely get to see you any more. I miss you."  
She heard a sigh from the other end, and could imagine him with his head down, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers.  
"OK, I can't promise you anything, but I'll try."  
She fought back angry tears. "Hey, don't sweat it. If you can work me into your schedule, that's great. If not, maybe you can send me a post card from wherever you happen to be at the time."  
"Mick-"  
She slammed the receiver down on his reply and threw the phone across the room. Then she collapsed on the bed, sobbing. Damn you, Ken Hutchinson! Damn you straight to Hell!

Blair knocked on the door to Micki's room and waited patiently. He smiled as she opened it, but the smile vanished when he saw her face.  
"Hey, are you OK? What's wrong?"  
She shook her head slightly and turned away from him. "Nothing. I just didn't get much sleep last night. I guess all the excitement kept me awake."  
"Bull. What happened yesterday was right up your alley and you handled it like a pro." He turned her around. "Hey, I thought we were friends. Come on; tell me what's wrong."  
She bent her head and shrugged. "I had a fight with Ken last night." She looked up at him, her eyes glistening. "We never talk any more, and when we do, we always end up fighting. I feel like everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do about it."  
Blair pulled her into his arms and held her tightly. "Hey, I know how it is when you feel like you're losing control. Everything gets going so fast and you don't know how to stop it. It'll work out, you'll see."  
He put his fingers under her chin, gently forcing her to look at him. He wiped the tears from her face with his thumbs.  
"Please don't cry. That face is much too pretty to frown like that. You don't want to get wrinkles, do you?"  
She laughed then put her hand on his chest. "No, I guess not."  
They looked into each other's eyes then Blair slowly bent his head and kissed her. She responded for a moment then broke away.  
"Blair, I can't."  
He nodded sadly. "I'm s-"  
She put a finger to his lips, cutting off the words. "Don't say it. It's not you, it's me. My head's not on straight right now. I'm furious with my husband, and I'm using you as a way to strike back at him."  
She ran her fingers through his hair. "You're a very special person, Blair Sandburg. I'm afraid I'll only end up hurting you and I would never do that."  
"I know you wouldn't. But we can still be friends, right? If you ever need to talk, I'm here."  
She smiled. "I know, and I'm really glad. But, I think we'd better go now before I do something I'll really regret."  
Blair dropped her off at the university and promised to return later. Micki sat through the last seminar, but absorbed only a fraction of the lectures. Her mind was a whirlpool of conflicting emotions, images of her husband and Blair swirling around in her thoughts.

While Micki was battling her own demons, Blair was helping Jim with the final paperwork on the purse snatching. Since this wasn't a case for the Major Crimes Unit, the reports would be turned over to the proper department for further investigation.  
"Well, that's that. I don't think these two fools were involved in any other crimes, but Robbery can double check their MO before they close the case."  
"Yeah, they didn't exactly come across as professionals, but you never know."  
Jim looked closely at his friend. Blair was turning his coffee cup around and staring into space.  
"Something on your mind, Chief?"  
Blair shrugged as he refilled his cup. "Micki was kinda upset this morning. She had a fight with her husband."  
Jim nodded to himself. "I see." He lowered his voice. "Better watch yourself, Chief."  
The younger man's eyes flashed. "Why? I'm worried about her, that's all. I thought we all were friends."  
"We are, and I'm glad you care about her, as long as that's all it is. She's a married woman, Blair. She's never made a secret about it."  
"Yeah, she's married. But she's hurting right now, and if I can help her, that's what I'm going to do."  
He met Jim's eyes. "You don't have to worry about me, Jim. I don't hit on married women. You should know me better than that."  
"I know you don't, Blair. I just don't want to see you hurt."  
"I can take care of myself, man. Don't worry, I'll be OK."  
The sentinel watched as his guide walked away. I wish I could do something for you, Chief, but I don't think my senses will help this time.  
He sighed exasperatedly then called out. "Hey, Blair, wait up. I'll go with you."  
Blair shot him a look over his shoulder but slowed down so the older man could catch up. He smiled slightly to soften his words.  
"I didn't know being a chaperone was one of your Sentinel responsibilities."  
Jim grinned back. "It is now. So, where are we going for dinner? Burger King's got a two for one sale on onion rings."  
Blair shook his head. "You never give up, do you? How about that seafood place by the campus? I hear they make a mean bowl of oyster stew."  
He laughed at Jim's expression. "I was just kidding, man. Lighten up, will you?"

Micki breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Jim standing with Blair at the auditorium's exit. She could still remember how she felt when Blair kissed her, and her life didn't need any more complications. She grinned as they continued their argument on where to eat as they walked to the truck.   
Finally, they settled on a small restaurant by the pier. By the time dinner was over, her mood had lightened.   
She sighed as they walked along the beach. "You know, I really will hate to leave. It's so beautiful here. I wish I had more time to see everything."  
Blair glanced at Jim then smiled at her. "Well, now that your seminars are over, maybe we could all go for a hike in the mountains. The view from up there is really spectacular."  
"I'd love it, if you aren't too busy."  
Jim frowned for a moment then relented. "I'll see if Simon will give us the day off. He can always consider it public relations between our departments."  
"Then it sounds great. Maybe I can find a camera somewhere and take some pictures."  
Jim smiled down at her. "That will be a lot better than any souvenirs that you can buy in the hotel lobby. Why don't I call you in the morning and we'll set a time?"  
"OK. That will give me time to get my notes in order and get packed. I told Ken I would be back before the weekend, so I'll probably leave tomorrow evening."  
The two men dropped Micki off at her hotel. When she got back to her room, the red light was flashing on her phone. She called the front desk and got her messages. Three were from Ken and one was from Tracy. She started to dial the number for his hotel, but disconnected before the call was completed. Instead, she dialed her partner's number.  
"Hello."  
"Hi! It's me."  
"Micki, where have you been? I just got off the phone with David. Ken's been trying to reach you all day, and he's frantic."  
"Really? I'm surprised he found time in his busy schedule to call."  
She heard her friend sigh. "You know he didn't mean it like that. He was tired, Micki. We've all been stressed out lately."  
"I know. I guess I wasn't being fair. Oh, Tracy, what's wrong with me? We were all so happy after the wedding, so what happened?"  
"Real life happened, Mick. Tommy Carruthers is dead and so is Simonetti. The adrenaline rush is gone and now we just have every day life to contend with."  
"I never considered myself an adrenaline junkie, but maybe you're right. It just seems like everything is falling apart. Ken was so distant on the phone last night. I wanted to go up to the cabin for our anniversary but he acted like it would be an inconvenience."  
"David said he was really sorry that he sounded like that. He does miss you, Micki. Don't you think this is hard on him, too?"  
"I guess so. But I can't help thinking about the future. We wanted to start a family soon, but how can we talk about having kids if we never see each other? Oh, God, I'm so confused! I thought I knew what I wanted, but I'm not sure any more."  
"Yes, you are. It's just different from what you wanted before. Marriage is a whole new experience for us all and we're still learning how to deal with it."  
Tracy softened her voice. "It's time for you to come back home, Micki. You can't solve your problems by running away from them. You know what you want; now it's time to fight for it."  
"I know, Tracy. I'll be home tomorrow."   
She said good bye then looked around her hotel room. Straightening her shoulders, she started packing.

The next morning, Blair was in his bedroom when he heard a knock at the door. He stopped for a moment, listening. The French doors were open slightly, so he could hear Jim's footsteps in the hall, and then he heard the door shut. When he didn't hear anything else, he went back to reading his notes. It wasn't long before he heard the door open and Jim called his name.  
"Hey, Blair, can you come here for a minute?"  
He walked out of his bedroom then stopped when he saw Micki standing beside Jim. He smiled at her.  
"Hi, Micki. I'm surprised to see you. I thought we were going to pick you up later."  
Micki and Jim exchanged looks. Jim put a hand on Blair's sleeve then nodded to Micki.  
"I have an errand to run. I'll be back later, Chief."  
The younger man watched him leave with a puzzled expression then turned to Micki.  
"What's going on?"  
She walked closer to him and looked in his eyes. "I came to say good-bye, Blair."  
His blue eyes widened. "But, I thought we were going hiking. Simon gave us the day off."  
"I can't. I'm sorry. I need to get home. Ken is coming back early and we really need to talk."  
"When does your plane leave?"  
She looked down. "Three o'clock."  
"That's hours away! We can still go hiking and then I could take you to the airport."  
She bit her lip, shaking her head mutely.  
He moved closer, but stopped as she raised her head, the tears swimming in her eyes. Gently, he held her by her shoulders.  
"Why? Are you afraid that if you spend that much time with me, I'll convince you to stay?"  
"I can't stay!" She ran her hand down his shirt. "Please try to understand. My whole life is back there. It's more than Ken; it's my job, and Tracy and David. We're all connected somehow, like you and Jim are. I can't just give everything up. I have to go back."  
"Are you sure that's what you want?"  
She smiled through her tears. "No, but I have to try." She ran her hand down his cheek. "I'm sorry. We just weren't meant to be. I know you'll meet the right girl someday. You're a very special human being and I know you'll find all the happiness you deserve."  
She kissed him then held him tight, burying her face in his shoulder. After a few minutes, she smiled and cupped his face in her hands.  
"Hey, don't look so sad. That face is too handsome to frown like that. You don't want to get wrinkles, do you?"  
He held her hand in his and kissed her fingers. "No, I guess not. I wish you didn't have to go. I'll miss you."  
She kissed him again then walked away. As she opened the door, she looked back. "I'll never forget you, Blair Sandburg."  
As he stood in the middle of the room, his heart ached with loss. "I'll never forget you, either, Micki Hutchinson."

 

********************************************************************************************

 

 

What Might Have Been

If this were another time  
I'd walk along the beach with you  
And hold your hand  
We'd laugh and play and make castles in the sand

If this was another place  
I'd dance in the rain with you  
And sing you a song  
We'd splash through the puddles and act like children again

If this were another life  
I'd lie in bed with you  
And watch the snow fall  
We'd turn the lights down low then warm ourselves by making love

But the time is now and the place is not our own  
Your life is here and mine belongs with another  
Three pairs of hands reach out to me  
And the circle of love draws me back in

But though I return to the one who holds my soul  
I leave with you a piece of my heart  
And when I see your face in my dreams  
I'll cry silent tears  
For what might have been


End file.
